Building a Happy Healthy Marriage 

Life is incredibly busy. Work, church, school, our families, staying in shape, eating healthy, the lists can be endless. How do we build happy, healthy marriages amidst the chaos of everyday living? What kind of foundation do we need to be successful? President Spencer W. Kimball taught, while marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy that the human mind can conceive. This is within the reach of every couple, every person (2002, p.42). In the post we will take a look at the foundational process that build successful enduring marriages. 

Foundation Principle #1 - Being committed to the Marriage Covenant 

In order to be successful in marriage we need to remember that it is a divine institution and with that comes responsibilities. Often times we get in the habit of thinking that marriage is contractual, we need to be getting something from it, or we don't have to stay in it. Covenant marriages are different. In a covenant marriage we should be fully committed to one another and to the well being of both parties. Covenant marriages need to be rooted in Jesus Christ, when he is the focus our marriages they are strengthened. 

Commitment and personal dedication are also important to marital bonds. When we are personally dedicated to our relationship we will be more willing to change habits that are not serving us or the relationship, we will be more apt to have a good attitude, resolve difference, and sacrifice for the well being of our marriage. Blain Fowers observed that one of the best ways to have a good marriage is to be a good person (Hawkins, et al., 2012, p.29)

Foundation Principle #2 - Love and Friendship 

The Family Proclamation teaches that husbands and wives have a solemn responsibility to love and cae for each other (The Family, para 6). When we have a love of Christ this helps us to show the pure love of Christ in our marriages. There is an age old saying that Love is a verb, it's not just a feeling, but the actions and unity that are expressed in marriage. After 25 years of research, Gottman and Silver stated, "Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship...mutual respect for an enjoyment of each other's company (Hawkins, et al., 2012, p. 30). 

In order to grow this love and friendship we can get in sync with our partners. Talk about whats important, set goals together, work together, and look out for one another. We can also talk as friends, have daily conversations that don't have to do with work or kids. Take this time to listen to and validate each other. Set goals for the interactions that you have. Plan date nights, weekends away, make time for dinners together, and time when you are disconnected from all the distractions that can happen. 

Foundation Principle #3 - Have Positive Interactions 

Having positive and loving emotions towards our spouse is vital to the health and longevity of marriage. There will always be problems and struggles that arise in marriage. Do your best not to dwell on the bad things, and focus on the good. When we are able to focus on the good and count our blessings it creates more loving feelings for our spouse. 

Foundation Principle #4 - Influence 

It's important to let your spouse influence your life. This goes hand in hand with equal partnership. We should be aware of what our spouse wants in life and what works for them, and do our best to work together to create harmony with what we want. This can be challenging at times given that we come from different backgrounds, but with work and patience collaborating together builds a beautiful union. 

Foundation Principle #5 - Be respectful in differences 

There will be times were disagreements are inevitable. These disagreements can be a healthy way to resolve wants and needs in marriage, but it's important to be respectful of your partner. Setting aside time to council together with your spouse about your goals and differences can be a good way to create an atmosphere where you both feel safe and comfortable sharing, it gives you the opportunity to share what is good and what can be improved. 

Foundation Principle #6 - Continue Dating 

Don't let your marriage become stale! It can be easy to put things on the back burner while we deal with things that are at the front of life, but continue to date each other to keep things fresh and fun. This can be challenging at different times of marriage, but it can even be small things like going for a walk together. Always remember why you fell in love in the first place and keep dating, this can help get you through the hard times.