Should I Keep Trying? 

I haven't met anyone who got married thinking they were going to get divorced, have you? When a marriage isn't healthy, stable, or safe one partner may think about divorce. I'm sure you have heard the statistics that 50% of marriages end in divorce. While this number is slightly skewed it makes you wonder how many of those divorces could have been prevented. 

There has been much spiritual council given on marriage and divorce. In our day Latter-day prophets have given council and clarification regarding divorce. President Gordon B. Hinckley said: "There is now and again a legitimate cause for divorce, I am not one to say that it is never justified. But I say without hesitation that this plague among us is not of God (Hinckley, 2000, p. 134). In addition Elder Oaks counciled that "when a marriage is dead and beyond hope of resuscitation, it is needful to have a means to end it (Oaks, 2007, p. 71). Elder Oaks also counseled " I do not claim the wisdom nor authority to definitely state what is "just cause." Only the parties to the marriage can determine this. They must bear the responsibility for the train of consequences which inevitably follow if these covenants are not honored. In my opinion, "just cause" should be nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person's dignity as a human being... At the same time, I have strong feelings about what is not provocation for breaking the sacred covenants of marriage. Surely it is not simply "mental distress" nor "personality differences," nor "having grown apart," nor "having fallen out of love." This is especially so where there are children involved (Oaks, 2004, p.6). 

This is not an easy decision. I have watched friends and family members whom I love wrestle with the decision of whether or not they should get divorced. In some instances the answer is yes, but then as you begin to do the work to heal you may find yourself and your relationship in a better place. In other instances the abuse and trauma may be to much to feel like you can recover and divorce is the appropriate answer. Divorce is not an easy answer, it needs to be done with much work, soul searching, council from a therapist or your church leaders, and prayer. Marriage is a covenant that should not be taken lightly, but your Heavenly Father knows and understands your relationship and where your hearts are. He knows your heartache and will help lead and guide you to the right answers for your situation if you seek his guidance.